I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
