Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
