If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
