Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
