i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
