You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
