Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
