I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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