And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
