Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
