oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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