It's Friday. Sex?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
