He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
