every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
