My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
