I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize