The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
