I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it because I queefed?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
