opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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