I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
