Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
