Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
