she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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