he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
