tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
