Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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