grandma shit on top of the toilet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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