Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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