Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
