Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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