you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
