So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
