My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
