Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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