I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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