just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
