The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize