I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
