I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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