I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
