I just pynch a tree in the face
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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