I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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