question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize