I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
