Where is the hickey?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
