Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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