Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
