So drunk, too bad you don't want this
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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