I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
