I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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