I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
