this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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