if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
