ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
