Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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