So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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