I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
