she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
