dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
