Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
