I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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