I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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