shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize