i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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