Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
