The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
