I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
