I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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