I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
