and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
