dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize