I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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