He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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