How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
