Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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