i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Randomize
