I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
