I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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