there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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