so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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