He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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