oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
