I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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