I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize