she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
