there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
