shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
