my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
