i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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