What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i barfeds in our rink
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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