Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize