weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
