She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
