Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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