do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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