bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize