you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
