my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Randomize
